03 January 2009

Only me here, okay. No crimes against English. No critical voices, okay. Only me here. I was buying condoms in a Wal-mart. No laughs and giggles kids this is serious stuff! Gotta protect your goods! I was under the impression that clerks weren't supposed to make comments on peoples' purchases. During my time as a clerk, I tried not to comment on feminine hygiene products and such. But this clerk started talking to me about buying condoms. She said, "I tell my kids, now don't be embarrassed to buy condoms. If you need condoms and you're embarrassed, I'll buy 'em for you." I just stared at her. "yeah, sure, gotta protect the goods." She laughed. "That's what I tell my kids." there was a time in my life when people would say, "that guy must be on something" and I never noticed what 'that guy' was doing to betray that he was 'on something'. But over the last couple a years, I have meet some clerks who must'a'been on something. I think this is what gives it away. He was talking so fast and scanning things so fast but then he left the bagging to me. And he decided he couldn't remember if he had scanned every box of food so he asked me to look at the receipt and tell him how many he did scan. I lied and said he scanned four when he only scanned three. Don't tell on me! I do NOT love the "hey, I have a friend with that middle name." which turns into she had three kids and they were named such and such and such. And then such's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as my birthday. What is your birthday? Oh, yeah, that's my uncle's birthday. And he liked boxes of food too.... Yeah, I got it, it's a small world. Everyone's fucking and on drugs. I'll go to the U-scan but that always turns into a self-esteem lesson from the U-scan clerk. (Huh? Dat must be like a oxenboxenmoron.) "No, you didn't do anything wrong. These things are just like that." I'm going home. I'm a hermit!